Cutting an onion

I'm reasonably intelligent (the cleverest person I've ever been), so today, I'll grace you with a story about the most important lesson I learned. Here is how I learned why you should never sincerely try to help anyone with anything: My girlfriend told me she was a horrible cook -- she worked as an au pair and told me that her host children always cried when they ate her food. On our first date, she wanted to cook dinner together, and because I knew she was terrible, I thought I'd give her some tips. Well, that was a mistake. We started by cutting the vegetables we would be using in the dish. While my girlfriend listened intently, I explained easy ways to cut them. I felt exemplary & clever, like the genius I am, until she started laughing maniacally, like some weird cartoon villain. For some reason, she only pretended to be a poor cook but had trained for years. Not only did this make me feel like one of the dumbest people on the earth, but now I struggled to trust anyone else. And that's how I learned why you should never trust or help anyone, even yourself.