Another Lonely New Year

It's almost 12. I look outside and see groups of people coming from their apartments. Out of nowhere, I feel lonely. The feeling wasn't wrong; I had been alone all day, if not all week, but I usually don't feel like it. Seeing those people reminded me of the parties I had been to in the past -- which I mostly hated going to. I didn't go to many. People who like parties are faking it. At least, I can't understand it, other than it being an excuse for getting high (which, when I still got high, I had no trouble doing on my own). I think I feel lonely, not because I'm not around people, but because I don't want to be.